Who says Moron's can't cheat ???

To cheat in an exam....is a beautiful art not perfected by all and sundry....here in old skool i pride myself on being one of the best cheaters the skool has seen since its inception...for my style of functioning is quite different from any other run of the mill cheater u know or possibly are...

but i too have had my anxious{read: PHADU) moments like this recent one ....

days after exams:

The teacher was showing the answer sheet of a test paper....despite having...scores ofcogsheet (farrrrraaas   re.....) in my front,back and handmade pockets during the exam.. I could only manage getting a 4 out of 10 in this paper...

So i went to the teacher and politely asked “ hey guru(teacher)....kindly increase my marks in the following answers for they are correct to the best of my knowledge”

“hey ullu(student)...the question has been taught not by me but some other mr. Dick kindly go to him”.


I knew my answer was wrong and knowing what a dick Mr.Dick was.. there was no point going to him....i went outside the class and myself took the trouble of rewarding marks in that answer (with a red pen of course)..and a FEW more(the temptation was overwhelming)..

I counted 15 ugly girls outside and entered.... the teacher was surrounded by a crowd of students all following my lead...went in and said:

-“hey teacher Mr.dick has now given me marks in the following answers..kindly change my marks in you record book"

She looked at it ....while i prayed...(my gods being led zeppelin,pink Floyd).
....

Will she buy it( sound of drums rolling)

...

...NO.... she didn't.

Agony crept all over her face.... a nerve on her forehead twitched..opened her mouth..

-"will she sing a rock number” 

-NO....she SCREEEAMED...

--“ass****( mind no hey) ..how could have Mr.dick given marks for this question when it was taught by me...u wait u scoundrel...u increased Ur marks yourself....”

--mamm....ammmm ..ammm(very long agonizing pause).

while the teacher jostled amidst the ...jaw dropped made fresh zombie  students ...to make space and get hold of my collar ....i slowly moved backwards in the crowd and did the vanishing act..(read:ran like hell)....only to hear her scream...wait or else...else...

THE AFTERMATH :
1. haven't attended her class since then(been a month now)...
2. attendance at an all time low......
3. she picks every other guy in college and asks if he was the the one that day ....
4. last heard that dis grunted students had resorted to throwing stones at her in self defence,
5.the area in and around her department is strictly out of bounds for i fear having my posters pasted on the walls there.

A serious post !!

Like any other mumbaikar the recent terror attacks in mumbai left me seething with indignation.
My first thought in response to the terror attacks in mumbai was.....”i go to the places almost every month...in fact it had only been a week since i had been there...”
Whenever my cousins or friends would be visiting mumbai . The
area in and around colaba would be the first in our
itinerary......The soothing cool wind of the ocean and the architectural

grandaunce of the TAj in the backdrop made for perfect combination.

what particularly saddened my heart was to see how weak and fragile a nation we still our.on one hand we are eying to be a global superpower on the other our borders are so porous that the terrorists could attack at whim.
what were our NAVY,ATS,intelligence guys doing???

The condition on ground zero was even more deplorable.there were as many as 100 policeman deployed in that areas ...only these policeman were carrying simple lathis and .303 rifles(used in the world war 2) with them....on the contrary the 6 terrorist who entered mumbai through had with them automatic assault m-6 guns and ak-47's.........consequentially when the terrorist struck majority of these policeman were the first to run helter-skelter along with the public to save their lives....This itself tells the collective horror tale of the..... sorry state of internal security in India and of how woefully we lack in quality infrastructure...WAKE UP.INDIA!!!

















.303 RIFLE and the AK-47'S respectively

“Excuse me boss you have a text message”

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“Excuse me boss you have a text message” does that ring any bell's in your mind...every other guy seems to have this message alert tone in his cell phone..right from the ghutka eating mistry ...to the poor govinda lookalike in your friendly neighbourhood .there is something about being addressed as “boss” that men particularly seem to savour...i am not so sure about women ....but come to think it... girls probably don't like being addressed as boss b'coz you know they are all feminine and stuff...
and moreover you tend to associate boss with something very bulky and masculine...and no women wants to be bulky or masculine or do they???



Hmmm...so the boss's thing( sorry)....You know one good reason for me choosing to write this post.. b'coz dandy is not going to need this ringtone no more... I am also a boss now (blink,blink)...Yup my juniors address me as boss.They come up to me and say good evening boss/morning boss ..and girls even man they all wiss me atleast if they dont wanna kiss me..(P.j).ha ha...I am all like “jeetay raho etc..” .. feel like on top of the world..I know what ya thinking ....dandy a boss..duh......but people such are the protocol's in my lovely college...that moron's like me go about waving the boss's tag....lucky me..

long live the senior who made this lovely protocol...

KINDA LOVE S(T)ORrY

This is not exactly “a love story” ...but a story that could have been about love.only if, Victor wouldn't have been the looser he is.
So once upon a time there was this very beautiful girl (read: hot chic) that lived just four blocks from where dandy stayed with his folks. Victor was like all in awe of her..the feeling was mutual.the girl also liked dandy. Whenever Victor would return from school he would find the girl standing on her balcony they would steal glances..and pass smiles at each other.

The girl didn't try to approach and speak to dandy because she thought she was a girl.

Victor wouldn't try and put a talk with her because dandy thought he wasn't like other boys.

Days passed into weeks ..weeks into months.At home dandy kept thinking about her.Thinking of the day when they would talk for the first time.It all excited him very much .He finally had a purpose in life more importantly a purpose to go to school,a reson to defy gravity and wake up early.The same ritual would happen each passing day except public holidays.

Finally the bubble burst..one day to Victor's surprise the girl wasn't in her balcony...she was standing at the gate waiting to talk to Victor. Victor saw her he hesitated he became nervous..he felt illprepared and Victor FREAKED OUT. He showed his back ,didn't turn around and took a different longer route towards home. All through the distance victor kept cursing himself for being such a SCHMUCK.
Victor couldn't sleep all night long.
The next day while coming from school Victor kept praying the girl would be there...
the girl wasn't in the balcony..she wasn't at the gate either....and forever thereafter....

Victor's cheating handbook :

Publish Post
Today let's discuss about the tricks of the cheating trade.MIND YOU, Not blowing my own trumpet but believe me I am almost like a pro in it. in my 13 year career as a student i have virtually cheated in every exam(yup started cheating from grade 1) and i have never been caught.puuting it plainly never have i found a better cheat then me. here’s a look at the finer nuances of the beautiful but neglected art of cheating right from the expert.

1. As soon as you enter the exam hall try acting like you are one of the better students of the class. Don’t laugh don’t joke. Just don’t do any silly activity that highlights you in the eyes of the invigilator.

2. Remember a cog sheet is always a better option then copying from an adjacent mate.

3. While using a cog sheet place it inside your answer sheet slowly turn the pages to look at the cog sheet. To the teacher it should look like you are reading one of your answers.

4. Remember back benches are the best places to cheat. Even if a teacher gets suspicious . Very subtly remove the cog sheet…either gulp it or throw it under somebody else’s seat (somebody who won’t prove harm to you later).

5. If you are sans a cog sheet and are caught while looking at the answer sheet of the guy sitting behind you. Tell the invigilator you were asking for a pencil or rubber.

6. Remember no matter how strict a invigilator he she won’t deduct your marks unless you are caught 2-3 times.

7. So make it a point to get caught 2-3 times before you leave the hall.(this allows maximum utilization of your rights).

STRAIGHT FROM THE GUT OF A FAILURE

Hey guys, today yet again your very own dandy daju did it again. Achieved the proverbial “flunks yet again “.moving from strength to strength ...I scored one out of fifteen in my electronic devices and circuit exam (e.d.c). Probably the lowest in class .stones and milestones are coming in equal measures for me. this is the second minor I am talking about in my first minor I scored 6 which translates to a total of 7 marks out of thirty .a back in the subject now seems inevitable. A back yippee……..would be another feather in my cap.
There were many thought s that were crossing in my mind as I approached the teacher to see my marks. Expecting a fifteen as always...I was a profoundly dumbstruck with what I saw. Strange optical illusions happen to you at these kinds of (very low marks) moments. First the “01” seemed like a “10” probably the paper was upside down. On a closer look it did seem like the 0 was before the digit. Then I stared very hard at the 1 trying to believe it was a 7. When the teacher gave me a contemptuous glare ……..the truth slowly started dawning on me .of the many thought that zapped in my moronic mind was one, try to use psychics to turn the 1 into a seven in the mark record sheet or the easy way do the same “manually”. A voice in my head said “do it do it “but the teachers hard sterenous looks seemed to be getting the better of me. I couldn’t muster enough courage to do it. I took the paper and went straight out...with a “subject back “looming large over my head and another subject for a new post in my blog.

"economiC recession" for DUMMIES

Day after day the headlines in newspapers were getting more audacious, the font size was getting larger and it was hard for “idiots” like you and me to turn a blind eye…………soon it was ubiquitous all around in news channels its repercussions to be seen and felt in our daily lives. No prizes on guessing I am talking about the global meltdown .so how it all started? Why is that India which was growing at 8-10% each year seems to be setting its eyes on 7% growth target? Who is going to be affected by the meltdown? Does it spell doom for our brotherhood? And till when will this fracas continue????

Here’s a simple explanation of the meltdown for our idiot brotherhood exclusively by an idiot:

It all started with the dot com bubble burst in America in the early months of 2001 a large number of people lost their jobs. And the us economy moved into a recession. To prevent this u.s government reduced interest rates on loans in order to push liquidity into the market. Liquidity is amount of free cash flow taking place in the market. To take advantage of the low interests rate a number of sub-prime families in America took loans and bought property in the form of real estate.4-5 years from then these sub-prime families in large numbers defaulted in paying back loans. The American banks started feeling the heat as the number of defaulters increased continuously .the American banks which are the behemoths of the banking industry faced bankruptcy. This phenomenon was commonly referred to as the sub-prime mortgage. Lehman brother a global financial muscle became bankrupt earlier this month.

The Indian it companies came directly in the firing line because 60% of their revenues come from the American markets.

The meltdown might not end as soon as it came. The inflammation of the scars might be felt in the long run and would take time to heal. It seems inevitable this time around lesser members of our brotherhood would be absorbed in i.t and it.e.s industries.

So now what do we do?

Mah advice: “pray morons not for your self but for America USE EVERYTHING MADE IN AMERIACA ...
"BUY VIDESHI ACT SWADESHI"

HERE’S a list of seven things to do to save our asses:
1. LUNCH DINNER BRAKFAST AT McDonalds
2. Only Hollywood movies with American star casts...of yes I almost forgot only original DVD’s (for the time being).
3. You always wanted to wear Nike and Levi’s now you have a good reason to do it.
4. Only American porn sites (what ??ohh...They are already your favorite).
5. No Ganga jamuna bisleri mineral water…only aquafina.
6. Pepsi and coke before you sleep...
7. Cadbury chocolates for your girlfriends (if she swears by amul dump her).

blog blogs evrywhere

Blogging “my new endeavor” .when I started off blogging …..I was so excited …it felt so cool telling (read: bragging) people that I had a blog.it instantaneously became my bestest hobby. But now somewhere down the line the enthusiasm is slowly melting away. And Telling people that I am a blogger is not kewl any more because they might “PAY A VISIT”. (And find out what a big looser I am).
Two things about the blog perplex me at the moment. For one...being an engineering student shouldn’t my blog be more about stuff related to technology (my branch being information technology). More like providing solutions to software’s problems. in my first year of engineering in nit-Bhopal I so much wanted to be a computer geek(a la Hollywood one) the big spectaceld ones or more so “an hacker”(the name sounds so cool).

A beautiful Girl “what do u do for a living... (Handsome)”?
Me “I m a hacker”. So cool man.

I would love to provide computer solutions to the needy.To computers in distress. If people would only come to me requesting me to fix up their computers. .I would save the day for them. HERE COMES "computerman". tadaaa.

THOUGH At present it’s the other way around. I have reached my second year in i.t engineering but I reckon I am yet to gain any byte of practical knowledge yet .PROBABLY ENGINEERING WAS NOT MY CALLING. BUT COME TO THINK ABOUT IT “WHAT WAS”. I probably suck at everything .

about "Girls"

I have absolutely no qualms admitting this is my favorite topic. Not because they are interesting (they are actually) it’s just that I have so much to write in it. I’ll start of with the basics. I did my schooling from St. josephs college, Nainital (one of the most spectacular schools in the country see picture: we fondly call it “sem”).it wasn’t a co-ed school.i can’t recall the exact word for it (not that I not know of it) but putting it plainly it
was a CATHOLIC boys school and we actually didn’t have any contact (no pun intended) with girls. Girls for us were like some "GHASTLY" creatures straight out of some William Ramsey thriller(though my hormones revolted). I learnt a lot from my alma mater.But probably it didn’t teach me how to confront girls or put up to them.(if it sounds less offending).silly as I was I would thing of them as extra terrestrial creature .if I tried to put A TALK WITH ONE words would fumble in my mouth. Words would either not come out at all or come out all at once. The more I tried to improve upon my weakness the more I seemed to be getting conscious and thus weaker I would be getting by the day. Slowly and eventually with time now I started learning to live with it.

now its all become a part of my life alas!!

lets start

So here we go now I m on to something new again a new endeavour ………..blogging …why????? is a question that I m not very sure about ………..probably because everyone else is doing so… or because I wanted something new to try……till lately social networking had been my cup of coffee………..morning day and night…….but recently it seemed to be getting very monotonous. The fact that in my 2 year stint there I lost more friends then I made does not help. Blogging for a long time had been the centre of my curiosity. A mean to express my ideas and beliefs in words . The assurance that it is out for everyone to read and ready for scrutiny.

As I m an amateur bear with me and I am always open for comments.
Cheerz..